Everything a Woman Should Be

It's been a while since I posted last. Lots of catching up to do. But I will do that later...

I'm struggling. I discovered that he is having another affair with ANOTHER co-worker! Some place to work huh? I found her myspace page in about 5 mins of digging. Totally open to the public. The nights she is with her "sweet someone" you are out late with this buddy or that buddy. Looking over her pictures it makes me sick.

I'm everything a woman should be.....

I'm honest, kind, a good mother, faithful, God-fearing, I dress modestly, I'm accomplished, pretty, smart, I work-out, I help others, keep the Sabbath day holy, read my scriptures, go to the temple.

But none of those things matter and none of those are enough to keep him faithful!

Instead I'm seeing pictures of a 23 year old single mother. Who lives for parties, drinks like a fish, enjoys her cigarettes and bending over for the camera in her short shorts.

And for a minute.... just a MINUTE..I'm jealous!

"Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies" - Elizabeth Bowen

So I'm Jealous..... What am I thinking? Is this the GOLD standard for what a woman should be? No! Do I want to be this? Do I REALLY want to be her? NO!

"We don't really want what THEY HAVE. What we do want is the feeling of having what WE WANT, which is what WE THINK THEY HAVE!" -- Jan Johnson Drantell

Namely my husband.... namely them seeming to be happy!

So it hurts but I know that I don't want to be her. I dont want to be doing what she is doing. I see her smiling and laughing in her pictures! But is she HAPPY? Really? Is she happy with my husband? Really? No! It's all a big lie designed by the adversary that everyone (including me) is buying into.

I'm trying not to buy into it! I'm trying ...I'm trying...I'm trying!

But my crown of glory seems really far away. Judgement day seems REALLY far away! I kneel down to pray. I tell my feelings to my bishop. He gives me a priesthood blessing! I am reminded....


They are living up to the world's standard not Heavenly Father's standard....and that is what matters! This brings me comfort. It gives me perspective! It helps me to look at the situation for what it is....


Heavenly Father is pleased with me. He loves me. He loves them too. But he is not happy with their use of agency. And no matter how GOOD it seems to them right now. It's still not RIGHT.

And that brings me comfort because my qualities may not matter to him but they matter to my Savior and I'm everything a woman should be!